


Once was Ours

by iceubaek



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break-up Make-up, College Boyfriends, Doctor Chanyeol, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers - Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Termination, Mpreg, Pls dont roast me, Slice of Life, Smut, Suh Young Eun Nighty Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceubaek/pseuds/iceubaek
Summary: A sliver of fire from the past burns across Dr. Chanyeol Park's sleeping wounds. The memories he kept buried in the forgotten suddenly arises as he is face to face with his past lover, Byun Baekhyun, and a child who is bearing a remarkable resemblance to the doctor.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 33
Kudos: 385
Collections: #𝓑𝓪𝓫𝔂𝕄𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕱𝖊𝖘𝖙𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎





	Once was Ours

**Author's Note:**

> Code : BMF030/2019
> 
> Pairing : Baekhyun/Chanyeol
> 
> Carrier : Baekhyun
> 
> Pregnancy : Some Pre/During but mostly Post Pregnancy
> 
> Babies : One
> 
> Prompt : Unable to handle the pressure of being a parent, Chanyeol walks out on his pregnant boyfriend, Baekhyun. After a few days, he deeply regrets his decision and tries to come back to his lover, but Baek seems to have vanished into thin air. Now, years later, Chanyeol finally finds his family, and will do anything to win them back. 
> 
> AUTHOR’S NOTE:
> 
> So uhm Hi. This is like my first time joining a fest and I’m scared. I didn’t know what I was thinking back then. I was just scrolling thru 2020 prompts yet failed to get one and I was like ‘naah im just going to be a reader.’ But then my fingers brought me to 2019 prompts and found this prompt immediately like it was speaking to me to be written. 
> 
> Sadly, in between, I was so close to dropping this story because I procrastinate a lot!!! And I feel like I butchered the prompt?? I’m sorry prompter, I really tried my best!! But with the help of my best friend, my beta, she joined me get through the hurdles. She was really patient of my annoying rants so I owe it all to her. The number of emails I sent her, and the thousands of correction she did to make this readable enough, aaahh, We made this together my friend, and I love you so much!!! And thank you to the mods for answering my questions and helping me as well!! Thank you for creating this fest!!! 
> 
> I got inspired while listening to the following songs
> 
> Because of You by Davichi  
> What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts
> 
> AND BEFORE READING YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG FIRST
> 
> Nighty Night by Seo Young Eun (Suh Young Eun)
> 
> So I guess, happy reading and uhm please don’t roast me, thank you. :)

**Chanyeol** rises up from his bed to the sound of his alarm clock, as he does every morning.

Even before the rambunctious alarm is about to jar him from his slumber, Chanyeol’s brain already perceives the outside, the low grumble of the earth ripping the thin gauze of sleep. He wakes up from the same dream again, of the innocent child with a face he couldn’t discern.

Antecedently, his dreams with this kid were vague and perplexing but today, it felt astonishingly real, intense and vivid, almost convincing.

The dream started with him, accompanying this child to an amusement park, with the familiar excitement settling in the pit of his stomach. His heart knew he loved him so dearly, he had pledged with his heart he’d do everything for him.

“ _I want to ride that_.” The child requested enthusiastically to him, pointing his small finger at the carousel. Though the carousel looked eerily deserted, Chanyeol still brought and lifted the child up to put him on his chosen horse.

The carousel moved slowly, up and down, following the music box instrumentals of the song “ _Nighty Night_ ”. The child was waving and smiling at him, his giggle fits evoking a familial smile from Chanyeol.

**_When_** **_this night passes, as much as another day_**

**_We get closer_ **

Chanyeol was sure he was enjoying, but ever so gradually the image of the child and the carousel was retreating away, fading.

**_Put your hands together,_ **

**_and try to sleep._ **

Until darkness tucked the child gone.

**_Because we are always together in our dreams_ **

And Chanyeol just simply turned his back, and walked away.

Then he wakes up.

It’s not always everyday that he meets this mysterious child in his dream, but when they do, he expects his heart hurting after for such an unsettling reason.

Chanyeol ploughs on to his day, with this huge indescribable void in his heart. He takes a shower, wears his pair of monochromatic scrubs on, and puts his knee-length white smock gown over. He gives himself the once over in a mirror and scoffs at his boring image. His eyes stay a tad longer at the embroidered logo of the current hospital he’s working in, with “ ** _Pediatrics_** ” written in cursive under.

It was hard venturing this career. He suffered so much from sleepless nights just studying during medical school, taking long duty hours to complete internship and residency years, plus the mind-wrecking exams that came along almost blowing his critical thinking away. Currently he’s a trained Fellow to further specialize Pediatrics and Medical Genetics.

He sacrificed a lot and it was all worth it. At least, that’s what Chanyeol hopes.

Chanyeol heaves a deep sigh, raking his fingers through his hair, tugging some strands as he drops his hand back to his side, his heart feeling wistful and hung up of his dream.

“It’s all worth it.” he murmurs as if convincing himself as he starts his day.

It’s a Wednesday and Seoul City is crowded as usual. The traffic is there, from slowing down, to crawling to a complete stop, there’s no acceptable reason as to why it exists. Chanyeol uses the inconvenience to eat his avocado toast and drink the coffee he bought from a drive thru. He already allocated his time for this inevitable jam.

After all, today is one of his three days in a week when Dr. Park sits in his clinic, which was established in one of the prestigious hospital in Seoul; Daehan National University Hospital, trained under Dr. Yixing Zhang, his professor. The other three, he lends for rotational duties in ward and emergency room, and the remaining was his precious rest day.

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, he expects patients to come for their appointments, queuing early in the morning to get their continuous treatment. He always braces himself for babies crying, mothers ranting about their home-made remedies and his nurses trying to get into his pants.

Chanyeol is not oblivious of his looks. In fact, he knows damn well that one of the reasons he’s known in this field is his looks aside from his knowledge.

Finally, Chanyeol reaches the hospital. Silently thanking the patience he reserved for the traffic jam as he parks his car in the allotted parking space for the medical staff. He makes his way towards the lift, pressing the up button while he sips the remaining coffee. Once the elevator door opens and he emerges from it, his nose was brazen by the stale smell of omnipresent antiseptic. He’s used to it now. He’s greeted by some colleagues he meets along the way, some nurses and patients who are eagerly waiting for his arrival.

He even heard one twelve year old girl squealing in a hushed voice as he passes by, “Doctor Handsome is so cool!”

A smirk graces his lips.

The clinic today is fully packed. Some who came today are his regular patients and there are also quite a few number of new faces.

He enters the Doctor’s room, sits on his high chair then puts his stethoscope around his neck; a cue that his day as a doctor begins. His nurses start to entertain patients, checking through their files in the system whether they have or not, taking their vital signs and history. When those are done, one of them guides the parent and the young patient to his room for a thorough examination.

Dr. Chanyeol Park never disappoints. He was always so understanding and attentive to his patients’ concerns. Not to mention his charming smile that gives assurance to his patients that they’re in good hands. Chanyeol has already mastered how to coo a crying child, how to distract them when he’s examining and most especially, he can easily distinguish and diagnose a present complaint.

In the middle of attending his tenth patient of the day, Dr. Sehun Oh barges in his clinic causing surprised jumps from his patient and nurses.

“Doctor Park,” Dr. Oh breathes, trying to catch his breath from the hasty walk he did to get to the other’s clinic, “Emergency. Professor wants you in ER now.”

Chanyeol follows Dr. Oh but not after bidding his patient an apology and directing his nurses what to do.

“What’s this all about Oh Sehun?” he asks, impatience and anxiety lacing his voice. Maybe it’s brought by the clear horror struck on his colleague’s face or maybe because it’s Dr. Zhang calling him, he suddenly can’t describe the anxiety throbbing in his chest.

“You’ve heard of this case before…” The other simply responds, trailing off. “Just follow me.”

Upon arriving at the emergency room, Chanyeol furrows his brows as he sees Consultant Dr. Junmyeon Kim, an OB-GYNE he had spoken about a serious matter over a year ago. Dr, Kim is talking to Dr. Zhang outside a closed-curtain cubicle. They both look extremely serious, their voices in hushed whispers.

“Dr. Zhang.” Sehun calls out, making their presence known to the doctors.

The said Professor instantly looks their way, acknowledging them, especially Chanyeol. “You’re finally here. I have a case to present to you. I’m sure you handled patients with the same condition so I called for you.”

“Yes, professor.” Chanyeol eagerly says, excited that his senior trusted him enough to let him handle this case. “I’m more glad to take the case. What is it?”

“The child is inside this cubicle.” Dr. Zhang pauses then hesitates. Dr. Kim stays quiet. “You may examine him.”

Chanyeol saunters over the closed cubicle and without warning, he pulls the curtain to the side, jarring the parent of the child who’s sitting on a chair beside the bed. He almost smiles, _almost_ , but his lips hang agape at once instead as he sucks in a breath and stares at this familiar person with wide eyes, brows raised.

There is no way he’s here… _with a child._

And Chanyeol can’t unsee the genuine fear emerging on the latter’s face.

The shock takes a few minutes to absorb. The silence enshrouding around them is momentarily heavy—if it breaks, a heart might shatter.

_It’s been four years_. Chanyeol is finally facing the person who left with his child and vanished like a thin air… the same person who once became his world, his life.

“B-Baekhyun?” Chanyeol says his name in a stutter.

Baekhyun stays mum, his eyes dead.

“B-Baekhyun…” Chanyeol blinks rapidly, staggered. “Baekhyun, Oh my God…” his gaze shifts at the small boy side-lying on the bed, placed on cardiac monitor, with an oxygen support through a face mask. The child is already staring at him expectantly with his iridescent round eyes. He has dainty button nose and cute pouty lips, the shape identical with Baekhyun’s. No wonder why he’s a beautiful angel because, the father is undeniably a stunner as well. Baekhyun’s beauty still shows albeit having those evident dark circles shadowing under his eyes and his near emaciated appearance—which is quite worrying though.

But what catches Chanyeol’s attention most are the objective symptoms he sees in the sick child at the moment.

The child has _hypotonia_ , a syndrome that means the muscle tone is low and his strength reduced. He also noted the difficulty of swallowing, proven by his over salivating.

But Baekhyun suddenly erupts, bolting him out from his reverie. “Are you going to just stand there and watch him die?”

His seething voice alerts the senior doctors waiting outside. They come in, appearing urgent. Dr. Kim goes straight to Baekhyun’s side, trying to relax the stressed parent.

“Baekhyun,” Dr. Kim says in a soothing voice, trying to calm the agitated nerves of the other, “Patience—”

“Then what? Just watch him stare at my child? Until my child couldn’t breathe on his own? My baby is suffering Dr. Kim! If I lose him, I will die as well!” Baekhyun tirades, breaking into heart-wrenching sobs.

Chanyeol loses his concentration upon hearing the sound of his long lost love crying. _After four years_ , the heartbreaking pain that he tried so hard to bury emerges. It was so sudden and confusing that he can’t decipher the revelations unfolding right in front of him.

The cardiac monitor alarming puts them into a nerve-racking halt.

_85%... 84%... 81%..._

The oxygen level of the child is slowly depleting.

And Chanyeol’s mind goes blank. Everything is happening way too fast—Dr. Zhang jerks him out of the cubicle, and Baekhyun is being dragged outside by Dr. Kim. An ER nurse is pushing the crash cart in and one has the portable ventilator with him. Two more staff nurses come to help.

The curtains are shut closed.

A sliver of fire from the past burns across Chanyeol’s sleeping wound. The pressure he felt four years ago arises. He watches Baekhyun in shock as the parent goes hysterical in the arms of Dr. Kim.

Then their eyes meet.

“It’s all your fault!” Baekhyun screams at him, hurt glinting in the windows of his soul. “I will never forgive you!”

**_It_ ** _wasn’t on instance. There wasn’t any spark, no earth-shattering slow motion the first time Chanyeol met and saw Baekhyun like what they tell in movies and in books. There wasn’t any prelude that told Chanyeol that this boy would hold his heart in captive. Yet, the second time they locked eyes with each other, when Baekhyun’s chair toppled over and he fell headfirst on the floor much like a fallen angel in need of saving… Chanyeol knew right then, he knew that he would fall madly and irrevocably in love with Baekhyun._

_A serendipitous encounter. Baekhyun came into his life and touched sweet corner places of his heart._

_Chanyeol first heard the name Byun Baekhyun by chance when the room was buzzing with gossiping students, talking about how cute this certain first year Cultural Arts student was and how lucky they are that the said person would be joining their class. The newcomer was having problems with his former class and even though half of the semester has already passed, he was granted by the university administration to drop his class and attend a new one—Chanyeol’s class._

_But Chanyeol wasn’t that much interested about whatever was happening in the class, for this was a back subject he failed to take during his pre-med course. It’s not a prerequisite subject, but one of his advisers were pestering him to take this; he needed his recommendation._

_Jokes on Chanyeol, it was impossible not to take notice of someone like Byun Baekhyun. He was quite the head-turner, his modest and angelic beauty causing him to be talk of the whole class. Not to mention the soft and lush blonde hair that makes one wonder how it would feel to run their fingers through it, his sparkling starry eyes, and his peaches and cream skin that glows against the sunlight. Chanyeol felt like a poet describing the beauty of Byun Baekhyun, he was exactly his type, liking everything about the new student. But his height! His height filled Chanyeol’s stomach with butterflies. Baekhyun was quite small compared to Chanyeol’s towering height and the height difference was doing wonders with him._

_It was a comedic start for them. Baekhyun was seated in front of Chanyeol and as much as Chanyeol tried to focus on their lectures, he couldn’t ignore Baekhyun. The other was rocking his chair back and forth in a playful manner which made Chanyeol smile at how cute the antic was. Baekhyun was happily swinging his chair and one moment later, his chair tipped over backwards. It all happened so fast, Chanyeol failed to save him when he lost balance. The taller could only hover his stunned gaze above the fallen angel, his intrusive gaze branding crimson circles on the smaller’s cheeks._

_Baekhyun looked so small and timid below him, the image of the latter made him feel things._

_The adrenaline rush helped Baekhyun, standing up on his own from his pitiful fall. His face devoid of emotions, ultimately feigning calmness. The smaller tried to keep his eyes on anything but Chanyeol, taking his arm-chair back from the ground sheepishly and ever so quietly sitting again. The awkwardness was heavily palpable. Baekhyun looked like his whole being was shrinking when the classroom erupted into collective laughter._

_Chanyeol felt so bad for him. The way he ungentlemanly let Baekhyun fall just like that. How could he?_

_On the next meeting, Chanyeol made sure his chair was a bit closer behind the blonde’s. Chanyeol thought he might have been a tad bit creepy based on the stupefied look he earned from Baekhyun that day. He also noticed how the smaller gets easily flustered just by the mere eye contact, proven by those warm colors suffusing yet again in his soft cheeks._

_But Baekhyun continued to ignore him still. Chanyeol waited for him to sit down on his chair and when he’s sure his voice was within the latter’s earshot, he told him through a whisper. “Sorry, I’m sitting this close to protect you. Just in case when your chair trips again, at least you’re sure I’m here to catch you when you fall.”_

_Oh how tricky his words were he was oblivious of its effect on the smaller._

_Their schedules were at odds, as one aspired to be in the medical field, and the other in the realms of arts and culture. But as luck would have it, they had Wednesday to see each other. The only day and only class that Chanyeol found suddenly, mysteriously exhilarating in this Medical school life. So what if it’s a minor subject?_

_Another Wednesday came and Chanyeol advanced another move. He reserved a seat for the smaller since there’s no particular seat plan that the professor follows._

_Chanyeol waved at the just arrived Baekhyun who appeared bashful and pocket-sized in his extra large striped polo shirt and baggy pants, blonde silky hair outstanding amidst the crowd, his sparkling puppy eyes darting here and there, searching for a decent seat. Looking at his way in surprise, a blush crept on the blonde’s face, adding more glow on his porcelain skin._

_“Here.” Chanyeol mouthed with a smile._

_Though hesitant, which Chanyeol understood, Baekhyun took his offer appreciatively, since almost all the seats were occupied except the two chairs in front and Baekhyun was seemed like the type who disliked attention. He said a small thanks to Chanyeol, his voice like the harmony of angels, sweet and euphonious to the ears._

_They were quiet the entire class, shamming their attention to the lecture of the professor but truly, they were distracted by each other’s’ smallest moves._

_Chanyeol was the type who man-spreads and unintentionally, his kneecap kept bumping against the smaller’s leg. He was a huge man, broad and lean, that there were situations they found their shoulders colliding._

_He was truly incognizant of how distractive his presence was to the latter, to the point that Baekhyun could only hear him breathing beside him._

_In between, Chanyeol took the chance to secretly glance at the smaller and admire his beauty up close. Wow. He was really like an angel sent from the heaven’s above. Everything about him was soft, seraphic features to die for, his milky white skin inviting._

_How could Chanyeol just notice him now?_

_The class ended, and sadly it was another moment for them to part ways. Chanyeol couldn’t wait for the next Wednesday to come. And Chanyeol wouldn’t let Baekhyun just leave without them properly talking._

_He wanted to get close to him. As soon as possible._

_The moment Baekhyun stood up after gathering his stuffs, Chanyeol followed immediately and approached him with a broken confidence._

_“H-Hi, do you mind if we chat over some coffee?”_

_Oh Chanyeol, so brave, he never knew it was the beginning of their road to forever—or so they thought._

**Baekhyun** wanted to laugh at the situation he was in. Fate was really playing with him. Here he was in a room with Chanyeol, the man he loathed the most, to discuss the wellbeing of his child. _Their child_. He knew someday in the future that this time would come, he already mentally prepared himself for that. But he didn’t expect it to come this soon. Now that it’s actually happening, no amount of mental preparation can make Baekhyun not feel appalled.

Since a while ago, Baekhyun knows Chanyeol’s gaze was on him the whole time. He can feel the stare that was following him yet he tried to ignore it. He hates it! The look on that man’s face as if he cares, as if he misses him and as if he wants to act like a father to the child he never actually cared about years before.

As Dr. Zhang discusses the current state of their son, Byul, about the treatment he should go through, what rang painfully in Baekhyun’s ears most is the need for them to be together for the psychological betterment of the child, aid him to heal on his own.

“No way.” Baekhyun grits in refusal. “I don’t need that man’s help.”

“Mr. Byun listen—”

“No!” the doctor gets cut by Baekhyun’s outburst. “I don’t need anything from him. I raised my child on my own so I get the right to decide who and what is best for Byul, do you understand me?”

The only emotion luminescing in his eyes is anger. Nobody will care about the loneliness and pain he’d been through all these years, and it hurts Baekhyun that Chanyeol can easily penetrate his life in just a snap and take the only hope that is giving him reason to live, and that is Byul, his precious child.

“What Byul needs now is a family and Chanyeol is a doctor. He knows best about Byul’s condition—”

“What? A family? Am I not his family? And he knows what? What’s best for my child?!” Baekhyun scoffs after his tirade, voice filled with disgust. “But he was never a parent! He hated the thought of it! So what if he’s a fucking doctor? I don’t care! I’m raising my child alone.”

Dr. Zhang can only sigh at the incredulous situation before him. He looks at the other parent who remains quiet, sitting across Baekhyun. Chanyeol seems shocked of the happenings unfolding right in front of him that he can't muster a word even to explain his side. The truth is overwhelming him, about Byul, about Baekhyun and about the condition of his child— _they have a child._

_I thought he terminated him._

“Baekhyun.” Dr. Kim interjected after witnessing the scene. He gives Baekhyun a pointed look that is both calming yet chastising. “Think about Byul. Set aside yourself and prioritize what’s best for your son. You think you can do it all alone? Just because of pride, you’re going to risk the health of your child?”

A stark horror washes all over the father’s face as he is rendered speechless. “N-No.” his eyes are starting to get misty. Emotions wired crazily inside his brain at the thought of his son’s condition. “B-Byul’s not going to die! No! Not my Byul!”

Baekhyun hates that Chanyeol can see and witness how his strong façade was just that, a mere façade.

He jumps a little when the tall doctor and the father of his child, takes his clammy hands in his, holding them, gently and reassuring. The smaller tries to pull away not daring to look at the other.

“I won’t let that happen.” Chanyeol whispers softly, promising.

The taller’s words spoken as if it’s only for him to hear, urges Baekhyun to look at Chanyeol in the eyes.

“I swear, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun also loathes the fact that even though he despises Chanyeol, he couldn’t help but feel safe and assured at the promise.

**_The_ ** _first few things Chanyeol learned about Baekhyun was that the guy was actually loquacious, that he had pretty hands, long and slender, delicate to touch, that he was beautiful, florentine features, his voice warm and relieving, that he somehow made Chanyeol realize it was possible to stare at someone for so long and not get bored of them talking continuously, and maybe he learned to like everything about Baekhyun at first sight._

_Chanyeol mustered all of his courage to ask for the smaller’s number the same day and Baekhyun blushingly gave it to him. The coffee chats happened more and more often. What started out from only after every Wednesday class turned to every time both of them were free until it became a routine for the two of them._

_Chanyeol was worried about scaring Baekhyun with his subtle wooing but the responses he gained from the latter was just totally unexpected._

_‘Maybe he also likes me?’ The thought alone was making him smile idiotically in love like a youngster experiencing puppy love for the first time._

_Chanyeol took him out again for another coffee chat session and the conversation as usual was about school, with Baekhyun starting about his rants and his schedule. Chanyeol doesn’t mind, not at all. He just wanted to listen to him, to look at his gentle pretty face, and adore his lips turning pouty as he talked._

_“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun had to snap his fingers right in front of his face to bolt him back to his senses._

_Chanyeol cleared his throat in pretense. Ah, he was too enamored of him. “Hmm, so what’s your next class after this?”_

_“I told you Literature at four.”_

_Chanyeol mentally palmed his face. He wasn’t listening at all. “Hmm. About how long?”_

_He almost laughed when Baekhyun rolled his eyes and retorted, “God for about three hours and you know Prof Kim and his enthusiasm to keep us awake.”_

_Chanyeol was nipping on the straw as he answered through his gritted teeth, “I also have to meet with my group mates later at 5 to finish our report.” Chanyeol tried to tell in passing, oblivious to the fact that he was biting the straw of his drink whenever he’s excited or tensed. “I think we’ll be done around 7.”_

_That was a lie. There were no group mates nor report needed to be met and to be finished. He just wanted to wait for Baekhyun and perhaps walk him to his house._

_Baekhyun found furrowing his brows at the sight of Chanyeol’s habit, hissing in annoyance. “Can you like stop that? Are you going to eat the straw?”_

_Chanyeol was whipped. He knew for a fact when even Baekhyun’s annoyance makes him giddy. And the fact that Baekhyun noticed him doing it, made his heart flutter more._

_So he was watching me too._

_Chanyeol tried to keep the megawatt smile from showing but failing. “Okay sorry.” he said, putting the cup back on the table._

_“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun sighed, apologetic for his outburst. He spotted a waiter nearby and kindly asked, “Sir, can I get a new straw?”_

_Chanyeol wondered with a raised brow. Like for what? Was Baekhyun this meticulous?_

_The waiter was quick to comply with Baekhyun’s request and just few seconds later, returned with a new straw. Baekhyun reached for the straw, thanking the server with a pretty smile and Chanyeol felt a sting in his chest._

_He was jealous._

_His mood was almost ruined but Baekhyun, his serotonin booster, just took his coffee cup, removed the previous straw and poked in the new one. He slid the cup back to Chanyeol with a smile that was always so kind and heartwarming._

_Oh._

_“Here. Don’t bite it, okay? I’m sorry if I’m being too annoying about it. I just…” Baekhyun trailed, looking sheepish, “hate biting on things. That’s a straw with bad chemicals for goodness sake Chanyeol! You’d get sick.” His pout on the word ‘sick’ was making Chanyeol feel an exhilarating thrill._

_The way Baekhyun said his name and how thoughtful he was of him._

_“Wait do you want a gum? I have a gum here.” Baekhyun’s voice dwindled off as he rummaged his bag open._

_Resting an elbow on the table with his cheek pressed against his palm, Chanyeol continued to watch the smaller with sparkles in his eyes, his mind fleeting away from the current—getting lost on his own imagination, about Baekhyun and him falling in love with each other._

_Chanyeol just knew he fell so hard for him. Right at this moment, he was so in love._

_“Here.” Baekhyun trailed but got a bit taken aback once seeing the smitten expression on his face. "Wait, is there something wrong?”_

_“Why are you so pretty?” Chanyeol asked, no brain to mouth filter, saying what he wanted to say since the moment he saw Baekhyun._

_Stunned, Baekhyun blinked his eyes rapidly, a faint blush blooming on his cheeks. “H-Hey!”_

_Chanyeol huffed a smile. “I like you.” He repeated with much more conviction, enjoying the flush on Baekhyun’s cheeks. So that was his effect on the smaller._

_It was silent save for the background noise in the cafe. Both of them unspeaking after Chanyeol dropped his bomb. Baekhyun trying to regain his composure while Chanyeol was enjoying seeing Baekhyun flustered._

_The smaller mistakenly peered at the other who was watching him and it was like time stopped, like they were in their own bubble. Drowning in each other’s eyes, trying to fathom what the other was thinking._

_It was Baekhyun who cut their eye contact, evading Chanyeol’s intimate gaze. “I-I think we should go.”_

_Chanyeol knows how abrupt his confession was and deemed it would be too much to ask for an answer right away. He said how he felt and that’s the only thing important now. Baekhyun knows he likes him._

_He leaned back to his chair, sighing the weight off his beating heart. “I guess we should. I’ll walk you to your class.”_

_Baekhyun tittered, a failing attempt to kill the apparent awkwardness. “I-It’s okay.” Chanyeol smiled at the stammering Baekhyun. It was cute. “Y-You also have an errand, right?”_

_“I just want to walk you there, is it okay?” It’s now or never. Just a tiny bit of chance._

_And to Chanyeol’s joy, his crush shyly nodded, affirmative._

_The walk to Baekhyun’s class was quiet, given that someone just confessed his feelings and the other was too stunned to answer back. The slightest brushing of their shoulders and hands as they made their way through the hallway was adding more to the cumbersome vibe. Chanyeol may look unbothered on the outside, but deeply, he’s placed in an internal turmoil—'hold his hand or just.’_

_Baekhyun held his hand causing Chanyeol to stop on his tracks, mouth parting slightly agape. He couldn’t believe it. His beating heart pinched a bit at the feeling of the smaller’s sweaty hand. ‘Is he nervous?’_

_“J-Just…” Baekhyun was obviously bothered of his stares, indicated by the mad blush creeping on his face. “Let’s just keep walking.” He added in a voice low enough that Chanyeol thought he was hearing things._

_The way Chanyeol’s heart melted at the sight of Baekhyun looking so shy… he was willing to do all means just to protect him._

_As his desire to make his feelings felt, Chanyeol responded to his touch, pressing his palm against the latter’s. He led the walk again with Baekhyun choosing to be a step behind him so he could hide a portion of his face in Chanyeol’s arm._

_At last they reached the room, still holding hands._

_“I’ll be waiting for you.” Chanyeol broke the silence._

_Baekhyun hummed agreeing, while doing minimal twisting movement of his feet, as if he was hesitating. He was eyeing at the side, too shy to meet the taller’s gaze. But Chanyeol still found him absolutely adorable._

_“I…” Baekhyun started, “Chanyeol…I...”_

_But instead of words, Baekhyun chose to say what he wanted by kissing Chanyeol on the cheek._

_Chanyeol literally froze; his heart stopping then swelling after in bliss. He could hardly believe that the same lips he was dying to kiss, to feel, was now pressed against his cheek._

_It was a quick shy kiss. Baekhyun retreated away in an instant._

_“I-I like you too.”_

_Oh._

_Before Baekhyun could ever run away to save himself a face, Chanyeol already collected him in his arms, hugged him so tight then lifted him up slightly from the ground, swaying him side to side._

_It was a moment worth celebrating._

_People around them were giving them the looks but they were too happy to mind._

_They were in love._

**Byul** needed to be admitted in the Intensive Care Unit for some days. The small child is connected on a ventilator through an airway tube, the machine helping him breathe, whole body paralyzed with high alert medicines.

Baekhyun can only watch his precious Byul from the outside, through the glassed window, his heart shattering into pieces at the sight of his son’s condition. He’s been crying non-stop ever since, and it pains him so much to see that there is nothing he can do apparently to save him.

“B-Byul…” he puts his palm against the glassed window, craving to hold his son in his arms. “Baby wake up. Baby wake up for Papa.” _Sniffs_. “Papa needs you so much.”

Chanyeol, overwhelmed, stands still behind baekhyun as he feels suddenly hopeless. He’s a doctor, and now what? What can he do to mend their pain away, if he’s one of the reasons why Baekhyun and Byul are hurting?

Chanyeol braves to step closer and wrap the crying father into a shoulder hug. Baekhyun, broken and wretched, leans in, resting his head against the doctor’s chest as he bawls uncontrollably, trembling as he did.

Chanyeol keeps brushing his arm comfortingly, ushering him closer. He drops him tender kisses on his crown as he coos, “There there…” and hushes. “Cry it all out love…”

**_It_ ** _has been a year._

_A year of pure bliss with Baekhyun, a year since they got together and went official. When they said time flies when you’re having fun, people weren’t jesting. Within this year, Chanyeol continued to discover a lot of new things that he didn't know about Baekhyun. How a mere kiss from the latter could bring the blue back in his sky, and that his comforting hugs were always relieving. He also discovered things he didn't know about himself. Baekhyun brought out a different side of him. That he could actually make someone smile like he was the happiest man on earth, that he could actually love someone this much._

_There was only a small blight in Chanyeol’s happiness. Med school. Med school was starting to vex the hell out of him._

_The second semester was about to end and he was about to venture in his third year in the next few weeks. Third year was all about the hustle and grind in the hospital. Most of his time will be spent there and just the thought of it was already enough to make Chanyeol frustrated and sad._

_How is he going to see Baekhyun? Will he have enough time for his love?_

_The air was chilly; winter was just around the corner. But the cold blast of the wind couldn’t stop the crimson blush from saturating Baekhyun’s face. Chanyeol was staring at him, intensely. Almost like imprinting every feature in his brain. They lie down beside each other on the meadows of the university’s grounds, away from the busy hallways and just basking in the afternoon sun. Chanyeol had provided an arm for Baekhyun to rest his head on whilst his other hand wandered to trace the delicate skin of the smaller._

_Chanyeol’s feathery touch immediately brought a smile on the recipient’s face, “Why are you acting all gloomy?” the smaller asked, not liking the solemn look on the usual smiling face._

_“I’m going to miss you.”_

_“It’s not like you’re moving to another country, baby love.” Baekhyun responded, smiling when he noticed how Chanyeol’s eyes softened when he heard his endearment._

_“But still, I’m not gonna see you more often.”_

_The smaller giggled at his retort, “As if we see each other everyday in school though.”_

_“But at least I know you’re just around and I can watch you in your class from the outside.” The taller pouted, continuing to reason out._

_“It’s okay baby love.” Baekhyun smiled, patting Chanyeol’s worried face. “I’ll always be here whenever you need me. You said that I’m your serotonin boost. Well, this booster is here to always cheer you on while you reach for your dreams, soon to be Doctor Park!”_

_In a much softer and serious voice, Chanyeol heard his lover say, “I am already and will always be proud of you, love.”_

_Baekhyun always knew what to say._

_Just as he was inching towards the other to claim the lips that he has been addicted to since he first tasted them, the smaller covered his mouth with his hand, effectively stopping his effort to kiss the daylights out of him. “We’re in school!” Baekhyun hissed in mock anger, eyes shining with mirth._

_Chanyeol rolled his eyes at Baekhyun and deviously licked the palm that was covering his mouth, giving it a tiny suck and nip._

_“Chanyeol!” The other exclaimed as he felt the wetness against his palm, immediately pulling his hand away._

_The taller grinned mischievously and pressed a soft and chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s lips. “I love you.” he whispered against his boyfriend’s lips. Accomplishing his goal, he moved back to his original position, taking the other’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers together._

_Right at that moment, that very moment, Chanyeol felt so in love. And without a second thought, emotions bursting in his every being, he blurted out, “Let’s get married, Baekhyun.”_

_Little did Chanyeol know, the words he irresponsibly said were actually spells that Baekhyun couldn’t help but think about for days._

**Baekhyun** is sitting on a chair at the bedside while he studies the calm sleeping face of his child, who is connected now on a high flow support through nasal prongs, another machine that has lower settings to aid his breathing. There were two dextrose fluids infused into his veins, each hand, to keep him hydrated and to balance some of his electrolytes. There were also leads attached on his chest to monitor his heartbeat and his breathing rate, and a probe on his finger that reads his oxygen saturation. Finally, Byul is moved to a normal room, weaned off from the ventilator as his lungs cooperated to help his weak body.

A heavy sigh leaves Baekhyun’s lips and warm tears start to brim in his lids.

His child is too young to suffer all of these. Baekhyun doesn’t even know up until now, when did Byul’s muscle started to weaken but he saw it progressed as he grew. And, he is beyond terrified. If only he can just simply take the sickness out of his small body, Baekhyun would have done that since day one.

But it’s been two days and still his son is in the same sick condition.

Not longer, the door opens as Chanyeol comes in for a visit. Baekhyun welcomes him right away with a glare. The said doctor is in his working scrubs with a smock gown over, a stethoscope around his neck, and a chart in his hand. “Hi. Good morning. How are you?”

Baekhyun responds back with a question, a slight lift of his brow. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m here to monitor our son. I’ll be his attending doctor.” The latter answers and still asks, “How are you? Did you sleep? Have you eaten—”

“Just fucking do your job. The patient is _my_ son.” Baekhyun gripes.

Chanyeol stays mum, understanding. It will probably take long until he forgives—or never.

The doctor then proceeds to check their son, jotting down on his notes whatever is presented on the monitors. He then calls a nurse and one comes right away to answer his questions. He asks pertinent ones like his urine output, how was his temperature chart last night and if some lab-works were done.

And while the nurse narrates the updates about Byul’s progress, Baekhyun watches Chanyeol, as he goes back to the first question the doctor asked him, _“How are you?”_

_His selfishness got him way too far._

**_Chanyeol_ ** _used to be Baekhyun’s whole world. The primary source of his happiness and the owner of his heart. He did everything he can for the aspiring doctor, to keep him content and happy. He prioritized Chanyeol before everything else, even before himself. Even if the other was too busy, too preoccupied with his studies, Baekhyun always cheered him on and adjusted everything in his life for his lover’s comfort. Even if Baekhyun had to sacrifice his own education for Chanyeol’s future. It was Chanyeol before everything else and Baekhyun was too in love not to comply._

_“Let’s get married.”_

_The empty words that were thrown off nonchalantly indeed became a reality. They were married a few years after, in a small chapel with only their immediate family in attendance. The lovers received half-hearted and reluctant approvals from both sides of the family. The Byuns infuriated at giving the hand of their son to someone who ruined his future. The Parks disinclined to send their son off to a nobody like Byun Baekhyun and risk his future as a doctor._

_But it happened; they tied the knot for the sake of the child growing in Baekhyun’s womb and for the sake of the Parks’ prestige image._

_It happened when Chanyeol finally passed his first Medical Board Examination. Achieving a mile-stone like this was always a reason to throw a celebration and was such an achievement that the Parks allowed Chanyeol to party with his friends._

_Of course, Baekhyun was invited. He was beyond ecstatic for his lover, seeing him slowly inch towards his life dream._

_What’s a celebration without any booze? Most of Chanyeol’s invited friends were also from medical school and the lack of liquors in their system through the years of studying finally dawned to them as they chugged bottles after bottles of liquors. The party was on full swing by midnight, the guests on their own world and so were Baekhyun and Chanyeol._

_Sneaking at the Parks’ patio where it was dark and quiet, away from the rowdy partygoers, the lovers were trapped in their own little bubble, making out to their hearts’ content. One thing led to another and soon they found solitude in Chanyeol’s room, staying up all night, exploring each other’s body and the desire that ignited between them._

_The icy air couldn’t dampen the heat that was Chanyeol and Baekhyun, their breaths mingling as they continued what they were doing. Baekhyun was straddling Chanyeol, while Chanyeol had his back firm against the headboard of his bed, his hands roaming everywhere on the smaller’s body. Soft and pliant for him. His long and calloused fingers stroked passing Baekhyun’s nubs and finding them budded, stroking them full and rigid. Baekhyun bit back a lusty moan that was trying to escape him._

_Baekhyun let the taller indulged him, his shirt riding up as Chanyeol kept on his ministrations, touching the bare skin of his midriff, his fingertips like fire, scorching his flesh. Baekhyun was lost, wanting more and more, and when he took the taller’s hand and eased it over his perky nipple, he got more than what he expected—Chanyeol left his lips to suck his hardened nubs that got him arching his back in pleasure, and a heavy sigh of satisfaction leaving his swollen lips._

_Chanyeol slid open-mouth kisses to his earlobe, down to his jaw and to his carotid, leaving love marks that Baekhyun will surely regret seeing in the morning. Baekhyun drunk from Chanyeol’s kisses, unconsciously grinded his hips, circling them on Chanyeol’s lap, the friction from their jeans getting him more dazed. He wanted more, rocking harder as Chanyeol showered him with deep kisses._

_Chanyeol groaned, pulling away as Baekhyun was humping against him. The drunk look on Baekhyun’s face put a smile on his face. Baekhyun was drunk from his kisses. He placed his hands on both sides of the smaller’s hips, stopping the friction that was getting to hot to bear._

_“Love?” Baekhyun said, trying to move again but Chanyeol’s hold was too strong._

_Chanyeol didn’t answer and just laid the smaller down on his bed and in the briefest moment, he felt sober. Maybe because Baekhyun suctioned the alcohol off his lips or was it because Baekhyun looked so pretty underneath him and all for him to wreck._

_He suddenly remembered the day he first met him and how he fell head first, lookin like a fallen pristine angel. And for a moment, Chanyeol paused, giving Baekhyun a chance to change his mind._

_But Baekhyun was already stripping off his clothes, their clothes. His gaze was so heavy with desire, the drunk blush on his cheeks was so mad making him look so fuckable._

_It’s now or never._

_Chanyeol took a shaky breath before swooping forward to claim his lips back again, propping on one elbow while his other hand busied to take off his pants until he was just on his boxers. The kiss was fast, hungry, a ravenous maelstrom of lips and teeth and tongue, followed by a vehement touching of skins._

_Through a daze of passion, they looked into each others eyes and saw the justification of their lovemaking. It was all of a sudden, a moment for sure they’ll regret once the morning comes and sensible._

_“Are you sure, love?” Chanyeol asked between the kiss, giving Baekhyun one last chance._

_But Baekhyun felt the probing in between his thighs, it was aching and he just wanted to relieve it with more pleasure, so he shook his head impatiently._

_And Chanyeol seemed to know, as though to assure that there’s no turning back anymore, he touched his erection that had a pink and purplish tip, pretty just like the rest of him. The smaller gasped then bit his lower lip for the sweet agony that seared his belly._

_Chanyeol’s fingers worked again, massaging tenderly._

_He elicit a loud moan from the smaller and it was an understatement. Baekhyun couldn’t ponder straight as his mind spin with his body. Chanyeol kept on tantalizing him, bringing his hand back up over the dewy silk of his body, teasing his tingling senses, tormenting his nipples until at last, Baekhyun cried out of mercy,_

_“Chanyeol, fuck me please.” Baekhyun whined, breathless, not wanting anything but Chanyeol inside him, moving._

_That was the switch that turned on Chanyeol, that had the taller tearing off the last garment off his body. He already had the lube ready at the side and he stroked and coated his massive cock with a copious amount of it, before surging forward. Ah, Baekhyun’s hole was like magic, taking him all in. Hot, wet and tight. Chanyeol stilled, absorbing Baekhyun’s warmth and how tight he felt. He held him firm until he was calm and his strangled gasp subsided. His arms never released him, his lips never strayed far._

_“L-Love m-move…” trembling Baekhyun said, toes curling in pleasurable pain of Chanyeol’s invasion._

_“Are you okay—”_

_“I-I said move… aah!” Baekhyun moaned as Chanyeol already started to move slowly and gently, seasoning his wounded flesh. And Baekhyun absorbed every little sensation, the pain, how huge Chanyeol was, how he felt so full and how the lover knew just where to hit the spot that he got Baekhyun’s toes curling and his eyes rolling to the back of his head._

_Too enthralled of the feeling, their pace went fast, with Chanyeol asking Baekhyun to wrap his legs around him and the smaller being pliant, his senses being centered on the tension building like a massive fire at that spot._

_Baekhyun cried tiny sobs, relishing the feeling of Chanyeol’s huge cock that was becoming bigger as his thrust went out of rhythm._

_The best Chanyeol could do was to whisper sweet nothings into Baekhyun’s ear, stroking his hard member, allowing him to come._

_Until Baekhyun just bursted with emotions, arching his body to the sublime suspension, and it became an explosive sensation that rattled his body with spasm and spasm of ecstasy. Baekhyun’s sobs were replaced of sighs of delight and it was echoed instants later by Chanyeol’s triumphant groan, as his great body stiffened then shook, releasing hot strings of his load inside Baekhyun’s wet cavern, before finally collapsing against him as he gasped madly._

_“That was great, love.” his ragged voice held a wealth of pleasure, bringing a grin to Baekhyun’s passion-flustered features._

_Indeed it was the best night to remember but weeks after, Baekhyun came with a news, a lab result saying he was positive, he was pregnant, and that Chanyeol was the father._

_And Chanyeol couldn’t believe he’d say “Let’s get married.” but with an indecisive and perturbed heart._

“ **I’m** prescribing him these medicines to boost his muscle tone and also I’d add this to relieve his stomach while he’s on a fasting. Tomorrow he will undergo blood work ups because I want to monitor this serum inside his body.”

Chanyeol is trying his hardest to explain every little detail about his plan of care to Baekhyun but the latter remained hard as a stone, still flagging out his hate against the doctor.

Chanyeol deems it’s not the right time yet to settle things about them, about what they left. They should be focusing more about their son’s health.

Chanyeol is about to talk it out to him when Byul suddenly wakes up.

In an instant, the parents run toward him, worry clear on their faces.

“P-Papa…” the child mumbles, reaching out his small hand to touch Baekhyun on the face and the parent immediately holds him, putting it near his face.

“Papa’s here baby… Papa’s here.” And though the assurance, Baekhyun’s tears flow down on his face unstoppable.

And Chanyeol feels that stinging sensation in his heart again. Hearing Baekhyun cry resurrects so many painful memories. He already heard him cry so many times, out of joy, out of sadness, crying all by himself because there was no Chanyeol to mend his heartaches away, because the cause of his sorrow was the same man he helped to be a doctor but had forgotten to be a father and husband to him and the child he was carrying.

He knew he was an ass.

**_Love_ ** _wasn’t all about being together indeed. It’s not all about bearing a child and building a family. It’s not just sweet nothings whispered into his ear every morning while he makes coffee and breakfast. It’s not about going to one part time job to the other because you’re not an aspiring doctor and your stomach’s not showing yet._

_Baekhyun loved Chanyeol so much, so much that it’s starting to hurt him._

_They lived in a small apartment that Chanyeol’s parents bought for them as their “temporary” home._

_Sadly, one of them should sacrifice to do the work of paying the bills and stuff. Chanyeol was barely starting his first year of residency, so it was quite hard for him to do the earning alone._

_Forcing Baekhyun to do jobs outside. He wasn’t able to finish college so his level of education took him only to small job offers like being a fast-food crew and a cashier in a convenience store._

_It was hard. Going through the first stage of pregnancy, the morning sickness and mood swings, the cravings. Baekhyun could only cry by himself because for Chanyeol it was a normal occurrence for someone carrying._

_“It’s just hormonal Baekhyun. Stop acting like a baby. We’re too poor to baby you.” And even mouthing words under his breath that he thought Baekhyun couldn’t hear, “You could have just terminated the baby.”_

_Hearing that from someone who was supposed to share the pain and the pleasure of carrying, from someone who aspired to save lives, it was too tragic._

_But love, love makes people do stupid things. And Baekhyun was in love with Chanyeol. He understood him because he knew his husband had a dream to conquer. Baekhyun was too in love to bother the hurtful words thrown at him._

_Baekhyun held on to the hopes that once the baby is born, maybe Chanyeol would learn to love him again._

_He understood his abrupt distance. He took all the blame. If it only wasn’t because of him, if only he was careful enough, Chanyeol could have been studying now without bills and parenting perplexing his mind._

_Four months away until his expected date of delivery, and Chanyeol was still acting cold. Baekhyun endured, kept a bucket and filled it with lonely tears—until he was full and everything just spilled._

_Chanyeol kept on forgetting he was a husband, always in the hospital but not even once attended his check ups, didn’t even care about the gender of his baby, didn’t even mind that Baekhyun fought the pain of being pregnant alone. Was he really an aspiring doctor? Baekhyun could hardly tell._

_Baekhyun tolerated everything by himself. He felt alone. There were no more kisses shared between them, no whispers and profession of love and no assurance. Baekhyun had nothing. It felt as if they were strangers, roommates in a shared apartment struggling to make ends meet._

_One night when Chanyeol scoffed and refused to believe that Baekhyun’s leg was cramping after having to stand all day because of his part-time job, it was then that Baekhyun finally accepted the reality._

_Chanyeol doesn’t love me anymore._

_The next day, while Chanyeol left him again with no goodbyes, he packed his things and left._

_Love never fails, but when it fails, it means it wasn't love._

**Byul** slept back again after receiving a medication that had side effects of drowsiness so Baekhyun’s left again with the presence of the doctor he hated seeing the most.

Chanyeol should be going home now, because he has 8 hours of duty only. But he stays, wanting to monitor his child and perhaps talk with Baekhyun.

“You haven't eaten.” The doctor speaks, while in the middle of titrating his son’s IV. “Do you want to order something?”

Baekhyun continues to pay him no mind, his blank gaze stilling at his son’s sleeping face.

“Baekhyun, please.”

“And since when did you start caring?” Baekhyun grits his teeth, asking scathingly, shifting his stare back to the doctor. “Since when, huh?”

“Baekhyun you have to eat, at least be strong for the sake of our son—”

“He’s not your son!” Baekhyun’s voice cracks, his eyes already misty with unshed tears from anger. “H-He’s not your son. You are not his father!”

It amazes Chanyeol somehow, how he can still tell when the smaller is lying. Byul looks exactly like him when he was younger, how his childhood photograph mirrors the same at his sleeping son. But that is not the point for now. He wants to help Baekhyun. He wants to apologize for the wrong things that he had done to him.

Chanyeol knows Byul is his son. He also knows that Baekhyun is right. He wasn’t Byul’s father in the truest meaning of that word, he might have fathered Byul but never did he act like one. But he’s willing to change that now, even if it means being the recipient of Baekhyun’s daggers and swords. It was a small price to pay for the pain he gave to them.

Chanyeol can only let out a defeated sigh before leaving the private room, “I’m buying us dinner and you have to eat.”

When he returns, he found Baekhyun already sleeping exhausted, still sitting on the same chair but his head rested on the side of the patient’s bed, using his arms as supporting pillows.

Chanyeol carefully places the bag of food on the side table and saunters over to Baekhyun. He takes off his white smock gown and puts it over the smaller’s chilling body.

His hand leads him to stroke Baekhyun’s hair that he used to ran his fingers through because their soft and silky. And the poignant feeling again rises. "I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry.” he apologizes over and over in a whisper.

Chanyeol then sits on his same chair at the other side of the bed, trying to keep himself awake to watch their son.

Around three am, Byul is awake again. Chanyeol greets him with a warm and fatherly smile and he talks to him in a hushed voice, cautious of waking the sleeping Baekhyun. “How are you feeling, little man?”

Byul just stares at him, bright-eyed, curious of his anonymity.

Chanyeol understands, he now moves to offer the palm of his hand for a high five. “I’m here to cure you. Can you give me a high five?”

Innocent, the child taps his small hand against Chanyeol’s huge one and the touch straight away sends a pinch to the doctor’s heart.

This is his child. Byul is his. But what hurts the most is the fact that this child was the same child he wished was never conceived and was terminated upon knowing.

_He was selfish._

Chanyeol forces a smile though his tears are starting to rebel down. The child interlaces his small dainty fingers with his as if to comfort Chanyeol and mumbles, “Nwo cwying, big boy.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help it any longer. He just moved forward and collected the small child into his embrace as he erupted into sobs. “I-I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. Daddy is sorry.” Chanyeol repeated, softly, in anguish, in hatred for himself.

Not knowing Baekhyun’s already awake, just sleeping in pretense, and crying silently.

**_When_ ** _Baekhyun left, Chanyeol’s grave mistake was not searching him immediately. He could have catch the pregnant man, stop him from riding that train or airplane but—he never did. Back then, what he felt was relief. No Baekhyun, no baby… just him and his dream to be a doctor._

_Months whirred by, a note that he kept not so long ago in his phone rang while he was in the middle of studying._

_[Reminder: Baekhyun’s EDD]_

_And it just dawned into him._

_He tried to call the husband but the contact number couldn’t be reach anymore. He also called Baekhyun’s parents but he got answers that the pregnant man wasn’t with them as well. He also called his parents and heard the same thing—Baekhyun was gone._

_Chanyeol almost became a mess. He ran to a police station reporting Baekhyun **lost** but the police were slacking the search and just laughed back at him._

_“Your pregnant husband disappeared 4 months ago and you’re reporting him just now?”_

_Right, how could he let his husband walk away from him just like that? Or worst, what if Baekhyun never intended to leave but was kidnapped, or something worst happened to him?_

_Chanyeol couldn’t describe how his brain worked that day, he almost forgot the reason why he never loved Baekhyun the same as how the pregnant man loved him was because of his ambitions._

_Then he found a small yellow note outstanding against his green ones on the wall that were all just scribbled lectures for his upcoming exams._

_Written there was a note in Baekhyun’s penmanship saying, “ **I’m getting rid of him, so you're free now, Chanyeol. Let’s call it quits.** ”_

_Baekhyun knew._

_Chanyeol doesn’t know how he found out the truth. But one thing was for sure, Baekhyun left knowing that their marriage was just a set-up. Fake._

_“Once Baekhyun delivers your son, we will take the baby and just leave him alone, Chanyeol.”_

_The words from his parents rang in his mind and it was something that Chanyeol subtly agreed on._

_And that’s also the reason why he was so shocked seeing Baekhyun with a child, his spitting image, because he thought the child was already gone, a thought he’d been trying to recompense for years now._

**It** has been weeks and Byul’s condition was progressing, slowly yet stable. Chanyeol spends most of his time, doing his rounds and frequently playing with his son. He makes it a point to squeeze time playing with Byul with his hectic schedule, playing is an alternative he intended to boost the child’s muscle movement.

The moment Baekhyun comes out of the shower, he already hears the peal of laughter erupting from his son. He sighs at the scene before him, stopping for a moment as he stares at the doctor who was tickling his son and Byul giggling at the sensation.

Chanyeol notices him right away as he saunters to the corner where he left his bags at, a small smile already etched on his face. “Hey, sorry if I just intruded. I came to check up on Byul.”

“Trying to empty my bank account by visiting Byul a lot, huh?” Baekhyun scoffs while tucking the soiled clothes in the laundry bag they were using during Byul’s stay in the hospital. “Your doctor’s fee is the same price as the room rate, right, Dr. Park?” he added, stressing the taller’s title.

The doctor flinches at the sudden jibe yet still keeping a smile on his face, he assures, “No one’s bank account will be empty, Baekhyun. You’re not paying anything. I will shoulder our son’s hospital bills.” _It’s the least thing I could do._

“Sounds like you’ve already done your research, Dr. Park.” Baekhyun snorts in annoyance.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol coaxes but the smaller shoots him with a cold and distant stare.

Straightening up to his full height, he looked at the doctor dead in the eyes, “I was able to gave birth to Byul on my own, raised him on my own. I am capable, Dr. Park. We don’t need a single cent from you.”

“I know but—”

“No buts.” Baekhyun cuts him again. “You’re not taking any responsibility. I’m paying _my son’s_ hospital bills.”

In the end, Chanyeol still managed to sneak in and cover everything from Byul’s hospital bills, medication and doctors’ fees. Being in Chanyeol’s debt angers Baekhyun so much. Baekhyun had a small business and it was just enough to make ends meet, enough to pay rent, their bills and Byul’s needs. But when Byul had to stay in the hospital for a while, Baekhyun had to close his business and focus his attention to his son. He knew he was running out of means to pay and here comes Chanyeol, swooping down and saving him once again. Baekhyun hates it. He shouldn’t be able to worm his way back into his life, into their lives.

In reality, Baekhyun trembles at the very thought of Chanyeol taking his son away from him. Fears the day that Chanyeol files a petition against his incapacity to provide all his son’s needs. He was terrified.

**During** Byul’s stay in the hospital, Baekhyun always wakes up to the luscious smell of food and the warmth of the blankets on his shoulders. There are times he finds himself laid on the sofa bed, tucked nicely under the comfortable duvet. He knows it’s all the doctor’s doing. In some nights, stirring awake in the wee hours, he catches Chanyeol sleeping beside him while holding his hand or patting his head to slumber.

Baekhyun also feels the warm lips ever so softly on his forehead or his hands. Baekhyun knows of the tears wetting his hands that were tightly clutched by Chanyeol. Baekhyun knows of everything but he pretends ignorance, acting as if he was asleep during all of these. He pretends he doesn’t hear Chanyeol’s muffled cries and his endless apologies.

He pretends he doesn’t know for the reason that for Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s suffering is not enough. It wasn’t enough to compensate what he and Byul has been through.

**Due** to lack of sleep while watching over Byul, Baekhyun usually suffers from headaches. But today his migraine was on another level and Chanyeol catches sight of him frowning and massaging his temples with his fingers.

“Baekhyun,” the doctor softly called, he was patting Byul to sleep, “Do you want some medicine? A massage?”

Baekhyun, despite his headache, manage to roll his eyes at the doctor, abhorring his concern. “Just leave.”

“Baekhyun…” the doctor tried to conceal the hurt that he was feeling at the smaller’s answer.

“Can you at least for once show your true colors? I’m too _poor_ to be sick right?” Baekhyun simply counters back.

Chanyeol chooses not to pry more and just continues in lulling their baby to sleep.

**_“When this night passes, as much as another day, we get closer.”_ **

Baekhyun pauses as he was preparing his coffee. _Out of all the songs?_

**_“Put your hands together and try to sleep…”_ **

_Ahh, Seo Young Eun’s Nighty Night. Baekhyun used to sing this song when he was still pregnant with Byul, used to hum the melancholic melody when he felt like he was near to falling apart._

**_“Because we are always together in our dreams.”_ **

_The day he knew their marriage was fake._

**_“Let’s sing a lullaby, so you can sleep… I’ll sleep with you so I can see you.”_ **

_The day he heard Chanyeol wanting to terminate their baby._

**_“Good night my love…”_ **

Baekhyun tries not to get emotional over a song but when he looks at the man who sang the song just now, he is astounded to find him already shedding a tear.

After making sure that Byul is soundly asleep, Chanyeol leaves the room shortly then returns only to give Baekhyun a medicine and some relieving ointments.

“Take this medicine and sleep. I’ll watch over Byul.” Baekhyun is about to say something but the doctor continues, “Just be healthy for Byul. How will you protect Byul if you’re also sick?”

_Why?_

“Just for now, count on me, Baekhyun.”

**Baekhyun** sits awkwardly beside Byul while Chanyeol tries to insert an IV cannula into their son’s vein. The cannula usually doesn’t last long for days so it has to be changed or problems will occur while the treatments are on going.

The IV insertion was supposed to be done by the attending nurse, however Byul started crying. The child starts throwing a tantrum, which was rare for Byul was such a sweet child, not liking the idea of getting pricked again,

Chanyeol steps in, volunteers and asks the nurse to step aside as he begins consoling his child. The doctor’s voice is so soft and gentle that Byul slowly halts crying, “It’s not going to hurt, I promise you. Daddy is a doctor, right? Daddy won’t let anything hurt you.”

The words spoken rings heavily on Baekhyun’s ears, despising everything said. Chanyeol still has no right to be called Byul’s father even if Byul acknowledges him now.

_It was one of the days when Chanyeol visited Byul after his rounds, staying for hours and watching over their son._

_The child who was seeing the tall man almost everyday, playing with him and always smiling at him, “Dwoctor, what’s your nwame?”_

_Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol halted their hushed bickering, not knowing that the child has woken up from his slumber. Baekhyun immediately went to Byul’s side, “How was your sleep, baby?”_

_“Papa, who?” Byul asked once more, pointing at Chanyeol._

_The man in question stood at the side, unsure if he should introduce himself. He recollects himself and walks towards to the other side of Byul’s bed. “Hello, little one.” he said, patting Byul’s hair, ignoring Baekhyun’s glares._

_“Nwame?”_

_Chanyeol sat down and levels his eyes with the child, “Chanyeol Park.” he answered, throat tightening at the sensation he was feeling._

_Byul smiled brightly and extended his hands to Chanyeol, “My nwame is Bywul!”_

_The doctor smiles, unshed tears blurring his vision, “I know son, I know.”_

_“Son?” Byul turned to Baekhyun, recognizing the words he often hears from his father. “I’m Papa’s son!”_

_Baekhyun tries to hide his panic, knowing what would happen in just a few moments, trying to prevent Chanyeol from introducing himself with his son. “Yes, you are Papa’s son.”_

_“Papa he called me son!” Byul stated, curious and askance, he turned to Chanyeol again, “I’m your son?”_

_“N—“_

_“Yes, you are, little one.” Chanyeol stated before Baekhyun could deny, “I’m your dad, too.”_

_Both fathers watched as what was said dawned to their son, “D-dada?” the child asked softly, shyly._

_Chanyeol nodded, shedding tears at the first time he was called by his son, hugging their son tightly, “I love you, little one.”_

“D-Dada, pwease.” Byul’s voice brought Baekhyun out of his reverie. He hated how his young son placed his wholehearted trust with the doctor. Baekhyun knows he couldn’t act up, his son’s health is much more important than his hatred towards the other.

Baekhyun saw how Chanyeol’s eyes softened, like they do every time Byul calls him Dada.

“Yes, little one. Dada and Papa are here. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” Chanyeol reassures the young child.

As much as he hates the doctor, he was doing a fine job in taking care of their son. Byul was really improving, his playfulness almost back to normal. Chanyeol never left him in the treatment behind, as the doctor never fails to involve him in the care. Chanyeol taught him a lot of things, just so he’d be enlightened about their child’s condition as well.

The doctor always says promising words to the child that “ _Your papa and dada will always be here for you_.” And maybe his words worked. Byul held on to his promise that one day, Baekhyun heard the smaller say, “ _I have my Papa and Dada now!”_

Who’s Baekhyun to keep that kind of happiness away from his child? Who is he to mar his Byul’s insight about the world, about having a complete happy family?

Chanyeol successfully inserts the cannula in his child’s vein without making him cry, and it amazes Baekhyun to see Byul remaining calm in the entire procedure.

“Great job, little buddy.” Chanyeol never forgets to praise the child as always and Byul huffs with pride at his Dada’s compliment.

The nurse then left with the IV tray and Chanyeol talks now to Baekhyun. “The cannula will only be here for 3 days because I’m planning to complete his antibiotics for a total of 14 days and the other medicine for a total of 7 days. Then I’d just prescribed him with oral medications so we can finally go home.”

“You’re not coming with us.” Baekhyun retorts in an instant without minding Byul’s presence. But Byul is too young to understand that his parents are already fighting. The child continues to play with his stuff toy that Chanyeol just handed to him after securing his cannula well.

“Baekhyun please.”

Baekhyun scoffs bitterly. “You think it’s that easy for me to forgive you?” He pauses briefly ensuring that the doctor feels his hate through his gaze and effectively, the latter looks dejected. “When hell freezes, _Doctor Park_.”

**From** the time Byul was admitted, Chanyeol rarely gets sleep and rest. Even if he tries to, his mind always reels to his child and Baekhyun.

Chanyeol worries about Baekhyun trying to be strong and firm for the wellness of his child, but at times, he still sees the same young Baekhyun he loved before appearing, especially when he finds the father alone, weeping quietly to himself.

Chanyeol understands. Byul is the only reason why Baekhyun keeps trying, why he managed to swallow his pride and tolerate him, the man he loathes the most in this world. It was all for Byul’s sake, Chanyeol knows that much. He understands that it wasn’t easy to forgive him and Baekhyun was far from accepting him again. Chanyeol knows he have to work for it, maybe for a long time.

Chanyeol sleeps briefly in the doctor’s lounge and his friend Sehun comes and visits him.

“Dude, you really have to go home and get some rest. You also stink just so you know.” Sehun fibs, sitting on the chair across the table.

Chanyeol, who’s resting on his inclined swivel chair with an arm covering his eyes and his feet on the table, dismisses the friend’s offer. “I take my showers here.”

“So how’s your child?” Sehun asks and then pauses, “That is your son, right?”

Chanyeol snorts at Sehun’s confusion. “And why are you suddenly curious?"

"The child looks exactly like you! Do you have a twin? Did you once donate your sperm to a bank?” Sehun rambled at all the possibilities. He has known Chanyeol for a while now and Sehun knows Chanyeol doesn’t play around.

Chanyeol can only shake his head in the incredulity of his friend’s conclusions. “Sehun, your ideas are so out of this world.” he chuckles, “You know I’m an only child and I wouldn’t dare donate in a sperm bank. Byul is my child.”

“But how come only now?” Sehun grows exasperated, “What kind of a father are you to find your child _only now_?”

“Because I’m a bad husband and father, Oh Sehun.” He sighs gravely, “I probably don’t deserve to be called either one. I don’t deserve their forgiveness but that wouldn’t stop me from caring for both of them.”

“Everyone deserves forgiveness, Chanyeol. I can see that you’re trying and surely your family sees that, too.” Sehun consoles, “You’re already devoting your time to focus on your son, turning away your other patients and forgetting you are under training. You look exhausted, man. Cut some slack. Dr. Zhang’s also worried. It’s okay to hand over your son under his care so you can focus more on your family, or at least for Byul.” And suggests.

Chanyeol couldn’t count how many times he had let out a deep sigh that day, “Byul has only three days left and he’ll be discharged soon. I can bear with this, I can manage.”

“Does your _ex-partner_ know that you don’t actually go home?”

Chanyeol laughs sourly. _Does Baekhyun even care?_ “He only cares about Byul, Sehun. To him, I’m just a regular doctor attending our son.”

“Wouldn’t blame him.” Sehun shrugs, “From what you and the others told me, you were a first-class asshole, Chanyeol.”

“I know.”

“But it’s not too late you know. Now that you found them, you should make up for your past mistakes.”

Chanyeol removes the arm that he used to cover his eyes, and stares at the void in the ceiling, realizing everything that he has been doing in the past days. “That’s what I’m doing now Sehun.”

_I’d do anything to have them back._

**Baekhyun** notices everything. He tries not to care, acts like he doesn’t but he does against his will. He takes notes of the evident exhaustion of Chanyeol which the latter tries to conceal whenever he was with them. He’s not that heartless not to discern that the doctor has scarce sleep proven by the darkness glooming under his eyes. Everyday, Chanyeol makes time for Byul and every single day the doctor works hard to help Byul’s situation.

“Dada where?” Baekhyun sighs at his son’s innocent question. Chanyeol’s presence was so palpable that his son’s always looking for the taller when he’s not in sight.

“He went home so he can sleep.” Baekhyun says, assuring his son an answer but bits his tongue for unconsciously considering that the Dada the child just mentioned is Chanyeol.

“Dada sleep?”

He nodded in reply, yet unsure if the said man really goes home and takes his slumber. He still remembers the time when the doctor ran urgently to Byul’s room, his hair still wet from the shower.

“Bwul happy. I have Papa and Dada now.”

“You like Dr. Park, why? Papa’s not enough?”

Byul cocks his head to the side, pouting at Baekhyun’s question. The father smiles at his son’s look, when Byul pouts he resembles him. “Bwul wuvs Papa so much! But Dada good! He wuvs Bwul so Bwul wuvs him too.”

“But Byul has to say goodbye to Dr. Park soon.” Baekhyun reminds the child, ruffling the his hair gently.

“Bwul bye bye?” Byul frowns in worry at the word, “Papa no wuv Dada? Dada said Dada wuvs Papa!”

Maybe he did once upon a time but what Chanyeol feels now is just guilt. Baekhyun smiles at the bitter reality. He looks at his son, so innocent and untainted. He wishes to shield him away from all the harshness of the world.

Offering a loving smile to his son, one that’s enough to hide all the hurt and pain he suffered through, he then cups and caresses Byul’s soft cheeks. “Papa is enough for Byul. Papa will do everything for Byul.”

Byul returns him a toothy grin, moving to hug him in the waist. “Twank you, papa. I wuv you.”

Baekhyun takes him more into his embrace and drops a kiss on his crown. It has always been like this. It has always been the Byul and Baekhyun show and Baekhyun thinks they don’t need anything or anyone else. “Papa loves you so much, baby.”

**The** door opens and comes Dr. Junmyeon Kim. Baekhyun halts his playtime with Byul as he immediately offers the doctor a bow in acknowledgement. The doctor nods at him and his smile grows fond when his eyes shifts to Byul.

“I can see that he’s getting better.” Dr. Kim notes. Smiling as he takes the chair next to Byul’s bed, “How old is he again?”

“He’s four years old, Doctor.”

“He’s such a lovely child. You did well raising him by yourself.” the said Doctor stated, smiling softly while watching Byul play with his plushie. “Isn’t he the best thing that has ever happened to you?”

Baekhyun nods his head in agreement, looking at his child affectionately. “I’m still grateful for your kind words, Doctor. If it wasn’t because of you, if you d-didn’t stop me, Byul m-might be…” and it is suddenly painful to form the words and continue, as his sobs start to choke him from speaking.

It was Dr. Kim who Baekhyun approached last before disappearing. He went to the doctor asking for the _termination_ but the doctor reprimanded him so much, gave him lessons about the errors of terminating the child, about not giving up, and the need to continue his pregnancy.

He still remembered the doctor saying, “ _Remember that this child has nothing to do with what’s happening between you and your husband. There are lots of options out there, termination is the last. You can leave your partner behind or punch him but don’t let your hate affect your choice. Keep that in mind before making a decision.”_

“I only reminded you about the consequences of doing it. The choice was yours, Baekhyun. I’m happy with what you chose and I can see that you are too.” Dr. Kim stated, “I understand your disappointment with your current predicament. I know it’s difficult to forgive when it feels impossible.” The doctor pauses, looks at him seriously, “But you’re a parent to a lovely child like Byul. Do everything that you can to save this beautiful soul, even if it hurts. Because you are a parent, Mr. Byun. You make the impossible possible for the sake of your child.”

**Chanyeol** comes later that day and Byul was already fast asleep. As per the usual routine, he immediately goes to Byul and checks upon his child.

“Byul can be discharged in around two more days if everything goes as planned.” The doctor imparts the good news. He offers a winning smile to Baekhyun, excited that their son’s progress is going well.

However, the smaller doesn’t mirror the look on his face. In fact, Baekhyun’s face was nothing but excited, it was dead serious and with an equally solemn voice he said, “Chanyeol, let’s talk.”

Baekhyun ensures the safety of his child by raising the side rails and keeping the emergency bell on before leaving the room with Chanyeol tagging behind him.

When they guaranteed that the hallways is vacant and void of any listening ear, Baekhyun lets out what he wanted to do so for long. “Please forget that you have a son.” 

The hope in Chanyeol’s eyes morphs into melancholy as he heard Baekhyun’s cold and merciless plea. “Baekhyun, pl—“

“I’m giving you what you want, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun cuts him off, smiling cruelly, “This is what you want, right? To get rid of both of us.”

“That’s not…” Chanyeol hesitates, shaking his head, reaching for the smaller’s hands yet the other swats him away. “Baekhyun please, I’d do anything. I know it’s not easy to forgive, I understand that I should pay for all my mistakes, but not this Baek, don’t take Byul away from me.”

Baekhyun lets out a sarcastic laugh. “The nerve of you to say that to me now, huh?” the laughing dies down and his gaze hardens and seethes. “Now you suddenly want to be a father to a child you asked to be termi—” Baekhyun stops then looks away, attempting to hide the tears brimming in his eyes but failing. It was so easy for him to break down in front of Chanyeol, he manages to break all his defenses, leaving him crumbling and in wreck.

Chanyeol reaches him, stepping forward to bridge a connection with the smaller. Wanting badly to wipe away the tears cascading down his face.

“Don’t touch me!” Baekhyun jolts away from his touch, stepping back.

Chanyeol looks at the smaller, how the other recoils at the thought of his touch. Dejected, he somberly says, “I really am sorry for everything, Baekhyun. I really am.” He averts his eyes, cannot bear to see the pained look etched on the other’s face, “For not giving you the love that you deserve, for not reciprocating your affection, for hurting you to the point of leaving me.” Chanyeol inhales, the gravity of what he has done resting on his shoulders and his heart, “For not finding you when you left. I really am sor—“

Baekhyun cuts him off with a wry smile. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry about. It’s over and done with. But Byul is another issue. Byul is _my_ son and he is none of your concerns.”

No matter what Chanyeol says or does, Baekhyun already steeled his self. He was adamant not to be the same person as he was before, the Baekhyun who easily forgives Chanyeol and finds excuses for him because he was so deeply in love. He’s not the same anymore. Baekhyun wants to protect his son from the same pain he felt. Chanyeol may like the idea of having a child or being a father now but the day might come that he’ll get tired of it. Much like how Chanyeol liked the idea of Baekhyun and so easily casted him aside when he no longer suits his taste.

“Just do what I say for both of our sakes. Go on with your life the same way you will if you didn’t see us. Byul is mine alone so please leave us in the past, Chanyeol. You can do that, right?”

Chanyeol bites his inner lip. He couldn’t do what Baekhyun wanted and the thought of being away from his family, from his son flares something inside of him. Before he can stop and think, he blurts out savagely, “I’ll file for child custody, Baekhyun. Do that and I will.”

It was what Baekhyun dreads the most. Chanyeol taking Byul away from him. He was so flabbergasted, it left him bereft of speech for a minute. “N-No…” he cries in panic.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I’m making it hard for you. But Baekhyun, I just want a chance. I just want you and Byul back.”

Baekhyun straightened his back, wiping away the tears, “You think it’s that easy? All for your convenience?” The storm brewing in Baekhyun’s chest raging with anger. “You pursued me and made me feel love and when I was heavy with your child, you casted me aside! I left everything for you! I stopped going to school to support the both of us because you were too busy reaching for your dreams. When you got me pregnant, I ate all the nasty and hurtful words your parents and my parents threw at me alone because I don’t want to burden you during your specialization! I went through all the sufferings of carrying the child alone, even worked three to four jobs a day just so I can help you with the bills!” he pauses, heaving, almost breathless with his sobs. “I kept my ears closed and pretended I didn’t hear you mumbling words of wanting to terminate Byul!”

Baekhyun stops and looks at the doctor who was immobile, all the words he kept inside of him bursting. He whispers, “I was so close to terminating our son, Chanyeol. Because of you! Because I know deep down you never wanted him, wanted us. I don’t want to tarnish your immaculate image, Dr. Chanyeol Park.” The smaller said acidly which caused Chanyeol to flinch, “I left you so we can no longer be a thorn on your side because I had enough of you! Because I wanted to set you free! I was the one who gave birth to Byul, I was the only one who raised him! And you dare to blackmail me with child custody? You don’t have the right to call yourself his father, Chanyeol. Not now! Not ever!”

Afraid to say anything that might hurt Baekhyun further, Chanyeol stands there, wanting so much to hug and take away every pain that this beautiful person suffered because of him.

“Thank you for healing my child, Doctor. That’s all you are ever going to be. The doctor that did his duty to his patient. You are just a doctor and Byul will leave this hospital as nothing more than a patient.”

The smaller stomps away, leaving Chanyeol staring at the back of the person he loves, watching him walk away from his life again.

Inside the confines of Byul’s suite, Baekhyun’s bravado vanished. He muffles his heart aching sobs with his hands, wary to wake his sleeping child.

_Until when will he suffer?_

**Chanyeol** heads straight to a renowned bar, wanting to forget and numb the pain with alcohol. In the early sobriety, crying is still stoppable, but when the booze finally kicked in, it is suddenly uncontrollable, the gates of emotions open as he pours everything out.

The memories of hurting Baekhyun keeps haunting him and he realizes over and over again how fuck up he is and that he doesn’t deserves a second chance nor forgiveness.

Baekhyun was better off without him. Maybe if they didn’t meet, Baekhyun wouldn’t suffer and he wouldn’t be in pain. It was entirely his fault. He promised to love and protect the other in sickness and in health yet he was the one who wreaked havoc in his life.

Chanyeol drowned himself in alcohol that he wasn’t even aware he was already calling Baekhyun.

Baekhyun answers at the last ring, _“What now?”_

“Baekhyun?” A sob escapes out from the drunk. “Love? I-I’m sorry.”

“ _Are you drunk?”_

Chanyeol is near incomprehensible, one tear he let out is too many for him, but a thousand is never enough. “I love you so much my love. I’m really sorry. I’m so sorr—“

Baekhyun already cuts the line.

Chanyeol stops calling and just let the tears and anguish wash over him entirely, until the alcohol sends him unconscious.

**A** throbbing headache greets Chanyeol the moment he wakes up. He feels his body all sore after being cramped in the small sofa bed. He sits up on the lounger and his eyes spots his father and son. Baekhyun was busy feeding Byul and doesn’t notice his conscious presence.

Byul sees his father and greets him with glee, “Dada!”

Baekhyun turns and acknowledges him finally but can’t somehow manage to look straight in his eyes. “Take that medicine and get yourself together. Don’t let my son see you looking like _that.”_

Chanyeol who blacked out last night couldn’t for the life of him remember how he got back in Byul’s hospital suite. He keeps his mum despite his confusion and says his small thanks to Baekhyun for the medicine and then left to the doctor’s lounge in the ground floor to groom himself.

Along the way, he meets Dr. Zhang’s secretary. “Doctor Park, isn’t it today that you’re discharging Byul?”

_He almost forget. They’re leaving him._ Chanyeol brushes away the dread he was feeling in the pit of his stomach and manages to smile at the secretary, “I’ll process it right away.”

**Baekhyun** wished he was drunk but there wasn’t even a small amount of alcohol in his system that night. He was sober enough to think, not to let the temptation lure him into the trapping psychedelia of a night full of sin, he could’ve stop because he knew he’d surely regret it for the rest of his life.

“ _I’m sorry Byul. I’m sorry, Papa betrayed you.”_

It wasn’t Baekhyun’s intention to answer his calls again yet he did. However, it wasn’t Chanyeol who was at the other line but the bartender in the club where the doctor got himself drunk.

_“Hi, oh… sorry! You’re the last person he called in his logs so I called you back just in case. Uhm, I think your friend here needs your help. He’s dead unconscious, drunk and—”_

A loud voice yelled from the other line, it was quite obvious by the tone of his voice that Chanyeol was completely hammered. _“Bwon Bwaekhyon! Answer me! I zwaid I’m sorry! Bwon Baekhyun!”_

Without any options to choose from, Baekhyun instructed the bartender to hail a cab and send the doctor back in the hospital. He doesn’t know where he lives or where his clinic is at, neither does he have any idea who were Chanyeol’s friends to call for help.

He waited for him outside until the taxi came by, upchucking a smashed Chanyeol. Baekhyun paid for his ride before collecting him from the grounds and immediately the doctor held unto him, a crying wreck.

“Bwaekhyun! Oh God, Bwaekhyun!” the drunk doctor slurred as soon as he saw the person waiting for him outside. “It can’t be! He wouldn’t wait for me.” Chanyeol hiccuped.

Baekhyun immediately brought him inside, scrunching his nose at the whiff of Chanyeol. He was reeking of alcohol and Baekhyun had to use all his strength to lead him inside without any medical staff seeing them. It was dawn and there were barely any people roaming around the hospital. Thus, Baekhyun was left to drag the drunk to Byul’s room and hurriedly hid him inside the bathroom. It was a good thing that Byul was already fast asleep and wouldn’t catch sight of his disappointing father.

“Chanyeol get yourself together!” Baekhyun snapped, trying to help the doctor wash the remnants of booze off his face and to sober him up. Chanyeol, however, sprawled himself on the cold-tiled floor and started bawling. Baekhyun went down to help him right away, hissing as he lift him in a sitting position.

Chanyeol gave him a strange scrutinizing look, wondering in his drunken state. “Hey!” the doctor hollered, “Who are you? What are you doing to me? Where am I? I’m already married to someone! I’m not sleeping with you!” he said each sentence rising an octave, trying to push away the smaller.

A frown rested in Baekhyun’s forehead after hearing what Chanyeol just spouted. “ _He’s married? With whom?”_

Chanyeol deepened his scowl as he studied Baekhyun’s face and then laughed, “I’ll tell you a secret!” He didn’t wait for the other’s reply before spilling his secret, “You look just like him! You look just like my beautiful love.”

The latter chose to stay silent as Chanyeol started his chatter.

“You know my husband, he’s the most beautiful guy I have ever seen! Have you ever imagined an angel? He’s all that and more. I was so in love with him. He was my world my life, my everything! I still love him until this day!” the smile on his lips flattened into a moping grimace. “But he hates me now.”

Baekhyun wants nothing more but to leave, not wanting to hear Chanyeol’s tale. Yet, he stayed as Chanyeol continued. “Med school happened and my life with my beloved husband went downhill. My Baekhyun had to go through my shit and my problematic ass alone. He sacrificed a lot for me and I swore to myself that once I graduated, I’m going to make him the happiest husband on earth, but man I was wrong!”

Chanyeol paused, his eyes blurring with unshed tears as he tried to recall the past in his alcohol-addled mind, “I got him pregnant and he had to sacrifice so much more for me. I ruined everything for him! But I was too self-centered! Too ambitious! Didn’t even care for my pregnant Baekhyun and wanted him to terminate the child that was growing inside of him!”

Baekhyun looked away, remembering those days. The heartaches, the suffering and all of his crying.

“And I dare call myself a doctor!” Chanyeol laughed, ruffling his hair in a mess and holding back his sobs. “It’s not because I don’t love him… I love him. I love him so much until now, I swear I love him! I was so pressured, so stressed with everything! My lifelong dream! My parents! My pregnant Baekhyun! They were just too much for me to carry all at once!”

Chanyeol laughed, a dry and bitter one. “I have no excuse for everything that I did and my stupidity led me to neglect the person whose only hope lies on me.”

Baekhyun didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want to hear how he suffered, but there was something deep inside of him which urged him to stay and listen to the drunk rambling of the person before him.

“Terminate Byul?!” Chanyeol smacked his head with his fist and Baekhyun was too stunned to stop him. “I shouldn’t have said that! But no matter how much I regret it now, I can no longer take what I said before. It hurts to see Baekhyun work on his own! Strive for four part time jobs in a day and he’s freaking pregnant! He’s pregnant for fuck sake!” Chanyeol hit himself again and Baekhyun had no choice but to hug him close, just to stop him.

“But everyday, he still came home to me. Me! A selfish asshole! Who prioritized my dreams over the person who loved me dearly!” Chanyeol exclaimed, his strength leaving him. “What was the price? A successful career? I should be happy, right? But why do I feel so fucking lonely? I lost the love of my life and our precious son. What’s the point of all of this when I can’t even be happy with my family? Baekhyun hates me and soon Byul will hate me too. Maybe this is my karma.”

“Ch-Chanyeol.”

“So here I am, trying my best, even if it takes a lifetime for me just to get their forgiveness or even if they don’t accept me at all, I swear to God, I’ll keep trying. I’m going to protect them. My husband and my child, I swear I’d do anything to make sure they’re safe and healthy, because I love them. They deserve happiness, something that I don’t deserve having.”

Baekhyun watches as the person he loved beats himself up, torn between wanting to console and wanting him to suffer like he had. He sees the pain reflecting in Chanyeol’s eyes and yet he can still smile so gently. “But whenever I see my son, every hurt disappears and I can continue trying my best for both him and his father. Whenever he smiles at me, hugs me, and call me “Dada”, I just can't help myself but hope that someday, Baekhyun will find it in his heart to forgive me.”

It was too much. Unconsciously, Baekhyun turned towards Chanyeol, cupping his cheeks. His fingers, wiping the tears cascading down the miserable face, “Chanyeol.”

Through the pain, Chanyeol smiled painfully. “Don’t I deserve a chance?”

The love he buried so deep in his heart for this person momentarily resurfaced that the notion urged Baekhyun to kiss him. But Chanyeol backed away, rejecting, intoxicated. “I just told you I have a husband. I’m not going to flirt with you!”

Baekhyun smiled to himself at Chanyeol’s outburst. “Love, it’s _me._ ” he said, ever so softly as he tried to kiss him again and this time, Chanyeol didn’t held back—everything went sporadic.

Baekhyun could feel every motion as Chanyeol perched him up the sink, clashing their lips in a lock. Several rough kisses on his cheeks, ears and neck that Baekhyun tried to avoid but ended up receiving all. The sink he was on was a perfect height and Baekhyun didn’t notice how and why his legs were already parted open for the man to stand in between them.

Whether it was the remnants of liquor on Chanyeol’s lips or the doctor’s promiscuous ministration, Baekhyun was inveigled to respond with equal measure. Kiss for kiss, touch for touch. Baekhyun found himself lost in a daze, lost in Chanyeol.

Baekhyun found theirselves clothes off and Chanyeol’s large member sheathing into his tight slick hole effortlessly.

“A-Ah!” Baekhyun moaned, biting his lower lip for the noise he just released. _It has been too long since then and Chanyeol only got bigger._

The slow thrusting became more vigorous. Baekhyun felt so full and Chanyeol’s bended cock was acquainting itself with his sensitive spot. It was intense, with him wrapping his legs around the taller’s waist, their lips never drifting away as they let their hot breaths mingle.

Chanyeol’s heavy gaze was driven by his alcohol intoxication, adoring Baekhyun’s pretty face and his effort to fight a moan from escaping his swollen lips.

The bathroom was filled with their ragged breathing, their skins slapping and the sound of the juices his tight hole was producing. It was a music only they know. A music that only Chanyeol can give Baekhyun.

Chanyeol slowed his pace and paused. When he pulled out, Baekhyun briefly cried at the emptiness. The taller carried Baekhyun to stand back on the ground and the latter’s legs were shaking, wobbling. But Chanyeol remained close, feather kissing his eyes, nose and lips as if worshipping him before guiding him to face the mirror and bending his upper body on the sink, with his butt high to accommodate his hard member.

Couldn’t wait any longer, Chanyeol found his way back inside him and continued to relieve the trembling walls and aching spot as his free hand slid up and down Baekhyun’s weeping cock.

Baekhyun witnessed it all through the mirror, the way Chanyeol was fucking him from behind and how he looked so disgusting and pliant for his cock with his lips parted agape and a drool threatening to fall from his mouth.

Chanyeol continued to batter his rod right through him until Baekhyun felt his walls shook to oblivion, finally getting the best orgasm after years of abstaining. He came as Chanyeol’s hand squeezed him and thick strings of white spurted out from his cock, Chanyeol’s large hand milking him.

His orgasm triggered Chanyeol’s own, unloading his cum inside him. Baekhyun could feel the hot and sticky strings shooting inside of him and he shuddered at the feeling.

Still relishing their post sex ecstasy, Chanyeol dropped himself exhausted against Baekhyun’s back, his cock still hard and pulsing deep inside the smaller. He put his lips closer to the other’s ear and whispered in broken sobs, “I’m sorry, love.”

Baekhyun was breathing heavily, tongue-tied, in a state of stupefaction and bewilderment.

_What the hell happened?_

**_Baekhyun_ ** _wasn’t aware of the weather today. The sky was gray and the coldness of the weather seeped into his cottony sweater, chilling his skin. Soon the rain started to sprinkle and turned into a torrential downpour. Just his luck, Baekhyun forgot to bring anything that would keep him dry under the rain._

_He planned to go straight home right after his research class but the weather seemed to ruin his plans. He wanted to send someone a message, to Chanyeol, yet hesitated because his boyfriend was busy enough with his rotational duties as a medical student._

_Baekhyun sighed to himself as he exited the chat box but out of the blue, Chanyeol sent him a text._

_[Hey, you’re in school?]_

_[There’s a storm, you know?]_

_[You have Research Class today, right? Did you bring your umbrella?]_

_Should he reply? Assure him he was fine? Baekhyun was dillydallying._

_[Hmm. But I’ll be fine.]_

_Maybe that was enough reason. Vague and subtle. He didn’t want to be a bother to him._

_So despite the rain lashing down harshly, Baekhyun ran outside the campus up until the bus stop. He was already drenched and shivering cold when he reached the stop, squeezing himself into the crowded waiting shed along with other wet people for a shelter. He was too preoccupied of his apparent situation that the approaching voice of Chanyeol startled him._

_“Love!” the man whined with a hint of reprimand and worry lacing his tone. Chanyeol looked like he ran a marathon, in his white scrubs, a brown corduroy jacket over with spatters of rain in it. He was holding a huge umbrella that could house two people in._

_Baekhyun was too stunned to speak as Chanyeol was already balancing the umbrella from one hand to the other as he struggled to remove his jacket off him, slightly panicking._

_“Oh my god, look at you, my baby…” he cooed as he put it over Baekhyun’s chilling body. He pulled the smaller closer to him, engulfing him to his warm embrace. “I know you’d be here! Come with me, we’ll ride a taxi instead. I already booked one.”_

_Baekhyun knew, booked taxis are expensive during downpours like this and he also knew that they didn’t have the budget for this kind of unnecessary expense. They were both just students, trying to allocate their allowances into ends meet._

_“B-But L-Love…”_

_But Chanyeol was too worried about him to mind his excuses, “Come on, don’t worry. I already paid it. We’ll ask him to pass by coffee shops’ drive thru so we can get you some hot choco.”_

_Chanyeol’s chaotic year in Med School just began so he was barely seen in school. He’d just be there when there are requirements needed to be submitted or for his laboratory classes—or for Baekhyun._

_It’s not like Baekhyun was asking him to come. In fact, Baekhyun didn’t approve of the idea of letting Chanyeol wait for him until his class ends since he understood that the taller was also busy with his own._

_But Chanyeol, the loverboy, would still insist to wait for him outside the classroom or sit in when the prof allows him._

_It happened so many times and it made Baekhyun worried already. So one day, once his class was done and was immediately greeted by the med student outside, who looked obviously tired from his hospital rotational duty but still managed to give Baekhyun his warmest smile, he confronted him with a frown and a cute pout on his face meant to chastise._

_“I told you to go home! Look at you! You look like you rolled your eyes into another dimension!”_

_But Chanyeol would just laugh back at him, pull him into a hug that would last a minute or two. The taller let out a huge sigh of content, squeezing him gently in, that Baekhyun could hear him smile._

_“We’re each others’ serotonin boost, so we need our daily dose of hugs everyday.”_

_Baekhyun wasn’t the social type so he had least friends. He usually liked eating alone or just stay inside the library. He’d only eat in the crowded cafeteria if Chanyeol was with him. But when the real Med School happened, Chanyeol was mostly doing his classes in the hospital._

_But that didn’t stop the taller boyfriend from doing his duty. He tends to escape just to accompany the smaller during his lunch._

_Or if he couldn’t find time, he’d ask one of his friends to send Baekhyun food and tell them to watch if he ate or not._

_They went home together one day through the bus with Baekhyun near the window and Chanyeol seated close and ensuring the smaller’s head was resting comfortably on his shoulder. They’d just talk about school while holding hands and Chanyeol showering tender kisses on Baekhyun’s crown._

_The bus was already fully occupied but it still stopped to take one passenger which was a man with his infant._

_No one wanted to give the tired father a seat so Chanyeol volunteered, allowing him to sit beside Baekhyun. The man was grateful and the three of them started communicating._

_Suddenly the man told them, “I haven't gave him a name till now. What name would you give to your child?”_

_The question rendered them both shell-shocked at first, and their reaction made the father add, “You two aren't planning to conceive a child?”_

_Baekhyun started blushing, more when Chanyeol peered down at him affectionately and replied, “We’re planning to name our child Byul. The star who made our dreams come true. My husband likes anything galaxy so why not Byul.” and then laughed genuinely._

_The word ‘my husband’ reeled in Baekhyun’s mind for a moment until the father turned to him with a smile and said, “Byul is nice, maybe I’ll go for Haneul.” [Sky]_

_And when Baekhyun shifted his gaze back to his boyfriend, Chanyeol was already looking at him, love in his eyes._

_Until such time, the man reached his stop and they both bade goodbye to him. Chanyeol took his seat back again and immediately held Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun went back to resting his head on the taller’s shoulder as he began,_

_“We’ll name him, Byul?”_

_“You mean He, so you want a boy?”_

_Baekhyun giggled, “Girl is nice too.”_

_Chanyeol stole a smooch on his lips before replying, “Boy or girl or twins, as long as I’m conceiving it with you.”_

_Baekhyun, pregnant, was craving for peaches but couldn’t find one as it was not yet the fruit's season. He tried telling it to his husband but the latter dismissed him and acted like he was just babying his hormones._

_But later that night, as Baekhyun was about to go to their shared room to sleep, he was startled of Chanyeol’s sudden entrance and the exhaustion clear in his face. He was holding a small plastic bag, filled with something that Baekhyun curiously frowned at._

_“Here…” Chanyeol handed it to him, panting._

_“W-What?”_

_“Your peaches.”_

_Shocked, Baekhyun asked, “W-Where did you get them?”_

_“I got these from the other city. My friend told me they have some left so I went to take.”_

_Even if it took him hours traveling and an absent from his work._

_Baekhyun was so exhausted that he slept through the day and forgot to feed his son, Byul. He panicked as he woke up but caught Chanyeol already feeding the child._

_He found the two giggling in hushed voices, with Chanyeol reminding Byul to keep his tone down because “Papa is sleeping, munch slowly.”_

_“But Bwul food is swo good!”_

_“Your papa is tired, so be a good boy and let him sleep, okay?”_

_“You’ll fweed papa after?”_

_Chanyeol smiled, brushing his child’s hair gently. “Dada will make sure you and papa gets the best stuff.”_

_Baekhyun ended pretending sleep and just continued to listen at the father and son conversation._

_“Dada, wuv papa?”_

_“Of course, I love papa.”_

_“But why Dada, now? Papa alone with Bwul for many years.”_

_“Because Dada was bad. Dada is sorry. Dada wants to say sorry to Papa and Byul.”_

_“Dada not bwad… Dada say sorry to Papa, eung?”_

_“Hmm.”_

_Chanyeol was always the caring type. Baekhyun knew this man would go through any hurdles just for his sake. He’d always squeeze “Baekhyun time” in his priority list, even if it’s already impossible._

_But after the marriage, Baekhyun already felt something was wrong when Chanyeol talked with his parents one day. One problem toppled the other until it was clear on the man’s face how heavy his worries were on his shoulders._

_Chanyeol just didn’t know how to vent it all out to Baekhyun but was oblivious that his cold shoulders were already pushing the other off away._

_It was a huge misunderstanding._

_The misunderstanding was meant to happen._

**With** his hospital bills taken care of Dr. Chanyeol Park, Byul was ready for his discharge. The child is settled safely in his stroller as Baekhyun looks around the room if they left anything. Once thoroughly packed, it was time to leave.

Chanyeol comes in and sees his father and son already prepared and he bits back the words he really wanted to say. He formally says, “Byul might need to undergo more physiotherapy sessions and I also set some OPD appointments for him. Though he’s stable now, we still have to monitor him. His condition is kinda rare and though his apparent treatments are working for him, it’s still best that we have him checked from time to time.”

Surprisingly, Baekhyun didn’t say anything and just nods as he takes in the information.

Chanyeol vividly remembers what happened that night. Once the alcohol-induced headache and hangover was gone, his mind instantly remembers the scene of them losing their sanity with each other in the confinements of the hospital bathroom. Chanyeol even made sure that it wasn’t a figment of his imaginations and the scratches on his back proves that it really happened.

In fact, he also noticed that after their late night tryst, Baekhyun started to act strange around him. The strong façade gone and he was visibly skittish and most times in a trance.

Chanyeol crouches down to level his gaze with his son who has a wide smile ready for him to see. “Daddy’s going to miss you.” He cups his son’s face, giving him gentle caresses.

“Dada nwot coming?” the child pouts, eliciting a chuckle of adornment from the doctor.

“I still have a lot of works to do. Your papa is with you anyway. But I promise I’ll visit you a lot.” He reasoned out as Byul spreads his arms, waiting to be hugged. Chanyeol not thinking twice, takes him into a warm and solacing hug. He drops a kiss on his head and tells him. “I love you Byul.”

“I wuv you too Dada!”

After leaving Byul with lots of kisses and tickles to make him laugh, Chanyeol then rises back to his height to talk now with Baekhyun. “Keep in touch.” He pauses to smile. “For Byul.”

Baekhyun looks at him, his eyes meeting his. The smaller kept his mum and Chanyeol holds back the urge to hug and kiss the beautiful person.

He tries for the nth time, not wanting them to part without another attempt. “I will do my best Baekhyun. Please give me another chance.” Chanyeol reaches out his hand for a handshake, waiting to be accepted by the latter. “Please?”

Baekhyun sighs in defeat, a small smile forming on his face as he shakes Chanyeol’s hand. Astonished, the doctor looked at Baekhyun with a hopeful look on his face. What he saw was a hint of a smile tugging on his lips and a small nod aimed at him. Chanyeol feels a small déjà vu, like the first time when the smaller held his hand in the school’s hallway as a respond to his confession.

Chanyeol’s heart soars at the affirmation, pulling Baekhyun in a hug, “Thank you, love. Thank you.”

Chanyeol knows that what he did cannot be atoned easily but he has a lifetime to prove to Baekhyun and Byul how much he loves them and how sorry he is and just like he promised to himself, he will do everything to have them back.

His heart soars even higher as he felt Baekhyun reciprocate his embrace. The warmth slowly filling the void in their souls.

_It was acceptance and forgiveness in one._

_Months later._

A look of amusement crosses Sehun’s face after bursting through the clinic’s door, only to witness his friend changing his white smock with a suit top. “Oh, mind telling me what is the reason why you’re closing the clinic this early?”

Chanyeol not clearly minding the friend, continues to groom himself and answers, “Today’s his prenatal check up. I need to hurry!”

His phone suddenly rings and he answers it right away, “Love! I’ll be there in a moment. Oh, Byul’s coming with you?” He lets out a delighted laugh. “Great, so we can have a family date after, what do you think? Are you craving for something?” he hums, smiling from ear to ear. “Sounds great. Wait for me hmm? I’ll be quick… hmm, hmm yes, yes. Okay, I love you, baby love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Thank you for reading this. I love you <3


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